A study in the American Journal of Sociology discovered that when women were close friends with their partner's friends, the couple was more likely to experience sexual dysfunction. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/18/fashion/a-mans-sex-life-may-suffer-if-his-partner-gets-too-close-to-his-pals-studied.html?_r=1&ref=fashion If one person in a relationship is extremely chummy with their partner's friends, it could spell disaster. Or at least unhappiness. The study found this is not due to jealousy, but rather because of issues of privacy.
It's important to understand the parameters under which the study was conducted, says Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil. Those involved in the study were men between 57 to 85 years old, and the results we applicable with the woman became closer with the friends of her partner, thereby coming between her husband and his friends. And the authors of the study say the sexual performance issues weren't rooted in jealousy but rather in issues of privacy and autonomy things that are central to male identity.
At a time in life when many things are changing - like perhaps retirement and new-found freedom from responsibility - it's important to find a balance between issues of friendship and relationship that both partners will be happy with, explains Dr. Bonnie. It can be confusing because often men hope their wives and girlfriends will get along with their friends but there's also a line when close becomes too close. Dr. Bonnie encourages women to take a cue from how their partners handle themselves around their male friends. For example don't invite them over for a home-cooked dinner if they're just friends who watch football together, she advises.
And of course communicate! For a woman who's outgoing, friendly and personable it can be easy to get comfortable with a person. So talk to your spouse about how they feel about their friendships. This isn't a call for women to give the cold shoulder or to detach from their partner's life and relationships. Rather it's a cue to be conscientious and observant about how friendships that are overly-friendly have the potential to cause problems.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of Americas best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York Citys best therapists. She was recently honored with the 2011 New York Award in the Physicians category by the USCA "Best of Local Business Award. She is known as The Adultery Buster and the No. 1 Love Expert, she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Dont Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples) and winner of the NY Times Readers Choice award for best dating book 2010, Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity (Making Money Sexy).
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on a Discovery Health documentary titled "Unfaithful" and A&E on addictions. ABCs Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBCs The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.
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